


An Advent calendar full of strange occurences

by SatanicMe



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Lucifer (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Adorable Barry Allen, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Tony Stark, Dimension Travel, F/M, Lucifer beats Clint, M/M, girls fight, tony is tony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-05 06:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanicMe/pseuds/SatanicMe
Summary: We all know our beloved heroes (and villians) tend to end up in weird messes. Now accompany them on their strange (Not like Dr. Strange) adventures!





	1. 1st December - Tony is lost in a cell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TeamIronMan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamIronMan/gifts), [FluffyGlitterPantsDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/gifts).



> I plan to update daily, but my last attempt was discontinued already at half-time.  
> So don't expect much.

POV Tony Stark

Ok. He knew he shouldn't have done that. But when did he ever listen to somebody's warnings? Now he was stuck in a strange cell with no idea how he got himself teleported here.

The odds that somebody would notice him weren't that high. By the way whose idea was it to play "Last Christmas" down here wherever he was in a loop?

Then suddenly the pretty small cell with weird range pillow-like walls and a glass front started to move - luckily he was not claustrophobic but he felt sorry for those who ended up here and were.

Was he in an illegal experimentation facility? Hopefully not. Especially if it was HYDRA. Nope, he did not want to be brainwashed and tortured before being turned into a soldier without free will.

A door outside of the cell opened and revealed a kid in a hot and sexy leather suit - well, the kid had some handsome features - looking at Tony puzzled.

"How did you get in there?"

"Good question. Sadly I am not sure myself. There was this strange piece of alien tech I wanted to analyze and Jarvis warned me that I did not know how it worked so playing with it would only stupidly risking my life - of course, he worded it a lot more polite and subtle - but who would I be if I did not play with it? After all, the cat may have gotten killed by curiosity but satisfaction brought her back in the end. And there were many scientific discoveries made by dangerous experimentation. Like the one time where I had blown myself up in my lab-"

Growing more and more annoyed during Tony's ramble the hot, sexy, handsome, beautiful, adorable, cute man interrupted him massaging his temples.

"Stop. You ramble. Ugh, now I know what Cisco was talking about. Recapping what you said you played with technology from aliens before you got teleported here? Alright. What's your name?"

Did he live under a rock?

"Eh. How can you not know me?! I am Ironman! The big Tony Stark??? You surely must have heard from me! I mean, I am a worldwide known celebrity. And no, I am not even exaggerating."

The leatherboy - Tony wished such a suit for himself for Christmas. Imagine how hot HE would look in it! - was sighing slightly exasperated as if he had to tidy up his room because his mother said so.

"Does the name 'Flash' ring any bell? 'Arrow'? 'Central City'? 'S.T.A.R.-Labs'? 'Starling City'? 'Roy Harper'?"

Was he supposed to know these things or persons? Wait-

"Yes, I remember reading comics about them. Until my father burnt them in our fireplace because 'geniuses like us don't enjoy ourselves with stupid picture books for people with low IQ since that's far our intellectual level'. I liked these comics…"

Mister Leathered Sexy Ass gave him a sympathetic smile before turning over to a screen and typing something on it.

"Hey, I just quoted my father in case I might have insulted you. Please don't leave. I really did not mean to-"

"Dude, I am not leaving you. Stop whining."

At that moment the glass front lifted up and Tony was able to leave the cell.

"Wait, where am I? This definitely looks like some highly advanced technology here. This is not the inside of a particle accelerator, I hope. I would prefer not to get contaminated by remained radiation."

"Yeah, it is a particle accelerator. But we don't use it anymore."

"Seriously??? I wonder what happened."

"It blew up."

WHAT.

WAS LEATHERBOY KIDDING HIM??? HOW COULD ONE MANAGE TO BLOW UP A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR???

"You are joking."

"Nope. I got hit by a lighting on that day which gave me powers. By the way, my name is Barry Allen, I am the fastest man on this earth aaaaaaaaaaannd you might be from a parallel dimension." 

"Would I not know that if this was the case? Powers? Wait, does that mean you can really fast???", he asked with big eyes while he ignored the alarm bell in his head ringing like a thunderstorm at the mention of parallel dimensions.

After all, that was still a theory and he had not yet any actual proof except for the fact he teleported somewhere but that did not have to mean he was in a parallel dimension, did it?

Nah, he would surely notice if he was not in his own dimension anymore, wouldn't he?

The boy with sexy butt licking pants rolled with his eyes before-

Wh-hat… Dizziness and stars in his sight led to disorientation and confusion. What did just happen? Looking around he was right now standing in a lab and saw some people staring at him.

"Is that the guy from the cell?", a nerdy guy with a beautiful brown tan asked while Tony noticed how the pale redhead shot Barry a frustrated glare.

Were they a couple?

"Yeah, I am. Barry mentioned something about me being from a parallel dimension. And I am not sure if he was just kidding me since there is no proof of the multiverse theory, yet."

"I was not-" "He is not joking. Hey… Is your name Tony Stark?"

Finally, someone recognized him- but how, if he in a parallel dimension?

"Yes-", Tony started but well,… he got interrupted by a full-on fanboy attack citing his life story. And at one point Tony got confused because these things had not happened.

"Hey! Stop. What is this Accords thing you talk about? Why would I draft some piece of annoying laws?"

"OH NO! I almost spoilered your future!!! Forget what I said. What date was it in your dimension?" 

"1st December of 2014. Why do you ask?"

"So JARVIS is still there? How awesome!"

"CISCO!"

"Ok, no spoilers." 

"Wait, why would JARVIS not be there anymore?"

\----

After some confusing getting to know talk Tony found out that Barry from this Earth - apparently named Earth-I - was a superhero with super speed and because of that the abilities to travel through time and space as same as through different dimensions and had serious trust issues with his mentors stabbing him into his back - one did it literally and paralyze Barry for a short period of time.

Cisco was the genius inventor of the team - their own version of Tony who nicknamed everybody, too. Also, Cisco had a good sense of humour and awesome powers, too. He could create portals - not so awesome because Tony did not like portals… - could see glimpses of alternate realities and create vibe waves.

Caitlin was their Bruce. She was an incredible doctor with a tragic backstory of her husband who was first believed to be dead, then hunted by the military before he actually died in another self-sacrificing heroic act saving the city from a wormhole. She had a split personality, too, and is used to deal with a specific injured Speedster that was really too often hurt for her liking.

There were more team members who just weren't present at the moment, like Barry's foster dad who had imprisoned his innocent real dad and was the father of Barry's wife - another team member - which all sounded like more issues to Tony and made him question if Barry was seeing a therapist.

There was a guy from an alternate Earth who looked exactly like one of Barry's backstabbing mentors, too. And a private investigator who got fired because Barry found some evidence of him being a corrupt cop.

Also, he found out that despite Barry's innocent appearance he messed up his own timeline like what the hell??? Even Tony could not comprehend what the hell was going on there.

"Well… This unexpected visit was quite a new experience. But seriously Barry, stop travelling through time. Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? Next time you time travel you might come back to a post-apocalyptic world you cannot save anymore and where you have lost your powers."

"Not you, too!"

"You deserve it." 

"Dick"

"Yeah, I know mine is incredible. You are not coincidentally in an open-minded marriage? Would your wife like a threesome? I am quite incredible in bed." 

"Ugh. Shut up"

"Nope. I like to talk."

Cisco opened a breach back to Tony's lab on his earth after Tony said his farewells to everyone.

"Bye, guys. I surely won't forget you crazy bunch." 

"Bye Ironman!"


	2. 2nd December - Widows relationship problems and Hawkeye gets put to shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Black Widow and Hawkeye get the mission to track down a notorious famous club owner?
> 
> They make a deal!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not corrected with grammarly yet

POV Natasha

The mission was a complete joke. No really. After hours and hours of searching, the famous Black Widow and the great Hawkeye have given up.

Sitting at a bar they chatted annoyed how they would inform the director about the missing progress.

The person they were supposed to find was the owner of the nightclub they were now at. But well, even there he wasn't seen for a longer time.

A dark skinned woman poured Natasha a vodka and slid a beer bottle to Clint while they were changing the subject to private life.

"The kids are as chaotic as always causing mischief Laura has to clean up after. But how are you, Nat? I've seen your recently glum expression. Are you and Bruce breaking up? He better did not hurt you!"

"No. It's not that. Actually we are good...Just...You have Lila and Cooper and are even expecting a third little monster while I... Bruce mentioned he wanted to try. But I can't."

Clint immediately noticed that Natasha was damn near to let down her facade for once. She already trembled slightly and her voice was less controlled than usual.

"Nat. Nat, look at me. There is always a way. You can adopt instead or ask Tony. We know that that guy is capable of doing the impossible. Bruce won't be angry if you tell him. "

The barkeeper gave them a analyzing look as if she was realizing something but neither Clint nor Natasha were seeing it before the woman poured both of them a drink.

As they noticed it was already too late.

\----  
"Ugh. What happened?"

They were sitting on a couch when they woke up. A tall and devilish handsome male was standing chuckling in front of them. He wore a suit that could be even more expensive than Tony's, was well built and had a dashingly mischievous smile.

"Good morning, Mr. Barton and Ms. Romanova! I hope you slept well. My name is Lucifer Morningstar and you are right now in my apartment above the club where my friend drugged you. You can both leave but I wouldn't if I were you since I might have something the Black Widow might be interested in."

"You are the guy we were searching for the whole week! Where the heck were you?!"

"Had to take care of some business down there", Lucifer said pointing to the ground -did he mean the club?- while answering Clints question. "And for your interest, tell your organization that I am no threat as long they don't fuck up, I won't join them and that they should clean their house because they have a serious case of pesticides living there."

"What-"

Natasha gave Clint a glare to shut him up.

"Why did you drug us? What offer do you have? Why should we trust you?"

"Maze did drug you so we could speak alone up here without attracting to much attention. The offer is the solution to your small fertility problem, Ms. Romanova, and there is no reason for you to trust me except that I despise lying and innocents getting hurt. "

"How-"

The barkeeper from earlier appeared next to Lucifer. No wonder he knew about Natasha's situation. But why would he help her?

"Let me introduce my friend Mazikeen to you, Ms. Romanova. She is quite fond of your acting, fighting and deception skills you have got considering you are a human. The deal is you fight against Maze - of course she won't try to kill you - while your friend Mr. Barton since he is already here can show me his impressive archery skills. In return I give you something to deal with the fertility issue of yours."

"Why not."

"Oh my god-"

"Don't mention my father!"

"But this is a girl fight! Can we watch?"

"No, because you will shoot some arrows for me."

"Aw come on."

\-----  
Some days later Clint and Natasha were back from their mission with a joyful mood despite the furious speech they had gotten after the briefing from the director.

It was dinner time and the avengers had assembled to eat some pizza together while Natasha told a little bit about their mission.

"So you made a deal with the Lucifer guy where you had to fight his friend who had handed you - YOU - your ass. That's impressive."

"She is a fierce fighter. I did not even recognize half of the moves she did."

"Wow. I want to meet her. But why did you not watch, Legolas?! This was the opportunity of the century! Black Widow against the friend of the devil! The most legendary girls fight!!!"

Tony seemed to be scandalously shocked of Clint missing the fight earning a slap from Pepper and a punch into his ribs by Natasha.

"Eh, yeah. Part of the deal was to show Mr. Morningstar my shooting ability."

"How did that go?", Bruce asked.

"He seemed fascinated, telling me about how he met Robin Hood centuries ago and complimenting me how I mastered my art before he took my bow and ordered me to go to the other side of LA and throw a coin into the air."

"Was he trying to mess with you?"

"I don't know. Maybe. But yeah, I did as told thinking he was only pranking me and threw the goddamn coin. A moment later I hear a cling and there was an arrow stuck into the coin."

"No!"

"Yes! It was. So I hurried back an asked the man how he did that. Guess what he said? 'My brother taught me. Although I have to admit I got a little bit rusty. See, the arrow is not perfectly in the middle!"

"How-"

"You are kidding us!"

"Nope!"

"But-"

"HOW?!"

"I don't know."


	3. 3rd December - Of retards and ableist assistants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First he had a meeting. At the end of the day he was happy to have a cab called since he was fucking pissed off and had a monstrous headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read, yet

POV Matt

An explosion went off not too far away from him numbing his ears.

When did he become a human shield again?

\---  
"Miss Potts will be available in a minute. She asked what kind of restaurants you prefer."

Was this a try to bribe him? Why else would the CEO of an international firm he had a meeting with asking him for his opinion on dinner if she was in an ongoing relationship?

"There is this restaurant in Hell's Kitchen where the cooks only prepare the meals with natural ingredients and use no chemical substitutes. It's called 'NoChemicHazard'"

He heard the disturbed sigh of the woman which seemed obviously annoyed by his very specific order. She did even sniffle in a huffy manner. Matt did not know if it was because his cheap suit or his blindness she acted as if he was a brat.

"Do you have any other wishes, sir?", she then sneered and Matt grew angry.

"No, I don't. Thank you."

Of course, the woman would be offended if he showed his annoyance at her behaviour. Did she think he earned this kind of shitty behaviour against him?

Better let it be. Probably she had only a stressful day like he and he did interpret too much into her demeanour.

"Stupid retard. Always demanding more than they deserve.", she muttered under her breath.

Ok, that could be not misinterpreted.

"I’m sorry that my permanent disability has caused you a temporary inconvenience."

She snorted.

"Why don't you just go then and stop pretending you could be the same as a human, cripple? If you were sorry, then you would kill yourself to free the world of the burden you are!"

At that moment Miss Potts opened the door of her office greeting him in a polite manner and startled her assistant a little bit.

"Mr. Murdock."

"Miss Potts.",he nodded and stretched out his hand hitting 'accidentally' the assistant making her whisper another rude comment about him.

"Imbecile freak"

"Janine, what did you just say?"

"Nothing, Miss Potts. You must have misheard."

"If I may, Miss Potts? Your assistant did harass me repeatedly with ableist, rude and discriminating comments and told me to do suicide to I quote 'free the world from the burden' I am."

"I did not! He was harassing me! "

"JARVIS? What happened?"

From the ceiling came a weird robotic voice which origin perplexed Matt. Who was it?

"Everything Mr. Murdock mentioned is true. Shall I show you the tape?"

"No need. Janine, you are fired immediately. Go pack your staff, the security personnel will show you the way out."

The assistant began to laugh madly. Did he miss something? What was going on? Seriously, he was confused. The assistant's heartbeat was off as if she was in a highly stressful situation. Even more stressful than losing her job.

Oh...

Without thinking any further Matt threw himself on Miss Potts - please let Mr Stark not kill him if he survived this - and dragged her to the floor with him, protecting the CEO with his body from the explosion.

Blacking out, Matt though, that he had never felt more uncomfortable than now.

\----  
God damn it, had he gone to Josie’s again? At least it would explain the son of a murder headache he had.

Deary holy mother, he felt like he was burnt to a sorry crisp there.

”My sensors pick up a heightened pulse, sir. Mr Murdock seems to be waking up.”

Oh great, the weird robotic voice again. Anyway, where was he? He was surely not at home nor at Foggy's or Karen’s flat.

Really. Did he seriously have to be surrounded with so much buzzing technology when his head felt like splitting apart?

”What happened?”

”You saved my girlfriend. I owe you. The explosion luckily was not so bad and you got off without any severe injuries except a mild concussion."

"And you are..."

"Oh, yeah. I am Tony Stark-"

He saved Mr Starks girlfriend??? Alright. Oh yeah, now he remembered. The crazy nutcase that worked as Miss Pott's assistant.

Groaning Matt sat up and was hit with a strong dizzy spell. This really was starting to annoy him.

”Hey, don't hurry. We still have to do a checkup! Can't let the guy who saved the love of my life collapse and die as soon he leaves the tower.”

”Can’t we just skip the part? I have an important meeting-”

”cut the crap. It is already bad enough I do this shit. So sit down and wait for the doctor. I am bit going to repeat myself.”

”You are a hypocrite, Mr Stark.”

”I know. But I don't expect people to be me.”

Fifteen utterly boring minutes passed until another guy entered the noisy room - neither Matt’s headache nor his mood has improved - and introduced himself as Doctor Banner.

”Anyways, how often do I have to repeat myself that I am not THAT kind of a doctor? Tony, I swear the next time you call me, I will-”

”-be so nice to patch me up again? Bruciebear, I knew you cared!”

He just wanted to be done with this bullshit. Can’t they bicker around when he is not around anymore?

Doctor Banner sighed loudly, obviously exasperated with the billionaire, before starting the checkup.

As the doctor was checking his eyes for light response Mr Stark seemed to remember a question.

”Hey, how did you know that the girl would blow up herself?”

”Mr Mhrdock, can you tell me how many fingers I am holding up?”

”I did ask first!”

”My question is more important!”

”why would you need to know how many fingers you are holding up?”

”His eyes don't respond to light! I need to check if this is just a strange occurrence or if he gained a serious brain injury -”

They did not know? The genius Tony Stark has not yet figured out his identity although he had saved his girlfriend and laid unconscious wherever he was for probably more than some minutes?

”About the missing response to light. I can't see”

”YOU CAN'T SEE! Jarvis, call an ambulance-”

”No, I meant that I was already blind before. Now that discussion is solved can I leave? Or do you want to face a lawsuit about neglecting a disabled person his rightfully guaranteed freedom by imprisoning him?”.

Being truly exhausted, moody like a pissed Trump and so done with the two scientists he threatened them to let him go.

Yeah, maybe it was not the best way to react at the current situation but he was TIRED and ready to punch anyone.

Mr Stark and Doctor Banner surrendered finally - FINALLY - to him and called him a cab.

Matt was happy if he had never to see them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just don't annoy a vigilante who doesn't like to be treated by doctors if he has a particular bad day and can sue you

**Author's Note:**

> I would truly like some comments, ideas or feedback. They help me stay motivated since I can not find many inspiring fandoms anymore...


End file.
